After so Long...

Miyavi didn't hold back the noise. Dai was hitting him right where he wanted him. It felt incredible how Dai could still play his body like a virtuoso. Miyavi griped at his shoulders, arching his back off the bed and crying out Dai's name. He had always been quiet during sex with Sakuya, his drummer boy. It didn't have anything behind it. It was unfair, Miyavi knew, and he had tried to be open and actually love him. But it just didn't work. He'd always be Dai's.

Dai called him 'gremlin' and Miyavi moaned loudly. "Oh god...please...please, master...Dai...Dai...my love...I'm so close...let me cum...please..."

Dai groaned and kept thrusting into Miyavi. The more sounds...the better. He knew his old lover was close...but no. "Make it last...you only get me once...you can't." The blonde moved a hand between them and stopped Miyavi's orgasm with his hand. He would make him wait...hold out...and then turn around and fuck him senseless. The other guitarists moans made him pound harder though...he wanted Miyavi to feel it.

Miyavi groaned and let his head fall back. Dai always did this to him, got him so close and then made him wait. It made him pass out on more than one occasion. He loved it, though. He always did. Miyavi still held onto him, though his hands were shaky.

"Dai...please..." He moaned, his vision blurring from what his ex was making him feel. He couldn't take much more. Everything about this moment, from the way they moved together so perfectly to the smell of Dai's hair, was making Miyavi crazy. It was almost too much, actually having Dai in his arms again. He didn't want to let go.

Dai felt himself start to get close...they could come together. Besides, they were switching roles after this. So it was okeh. Dai started to pound into Miyavi with all he had while he stroked him. "Cum for me...force me to...So closw...ah!" Dai felt Miyavi orgasm on their stomachs and clamp down around him. His head went back as he filled Miyavi. Something he hadn't done in so long...and something he really missed.

He moaned and writhed around, nails scraping along Dai's back. Finally, Dai told him to cum and it didn't take long before he was crying out his name and shaking with his orgasm. He felt Dai fill him at the same time and the bliss was unspeakable. His vision was hazy around the edges and he had a hard time breathing. A shaky hand came up to cup Dai's cheek and look into his eyes. Eyes that used to reflect so much love but now was just holding hesitation and fear. Dai didn't want him anymore. This was just...Dai was saying goodbye. That hurt too much.

Miyavi pulled him close and kissed him. A plea not to leave him.

Dai prolonged the kiss as much as possible. He wanted it to last...he didn't want to leave...but...Miyavi knew what this was. He knew he wouldn't take him...Miyavi wouldn't...not now that he knew this was a goodbye. He had tears in his eyes as he pulled out and moved to find his clothes.

"Don't do this to me...please don't."

Miyavi whimpered when he pulled away and he sat up, clinging to him. "Please...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll do anything, Dai." He was near tears. He loved him too much and he just couldn't let go. Fate let them have a chance again and he wasn't just about to let Dai walk out of his life a second time. He tried to hold onto him. He had to make him stay. Somehow.

"Please..."

Miyavi held onto him...oh god...this wasn't fair. "I started dating him three months ago. I waited for you until then. I told everyone no because I kept hoping...praying you would come back and tell me what a stupid mistake you made and that you wanted me back...I waited...and finally...I had to be realistic...you weren't coming back. You left me behind...yet everytime he took me to bed all I could picture was you. It's not fair to him. I waited so long for you...and I can't. We can't...no matter how much I'm still in love with you or how much I'd love to crawl back in bed and have you hold me down and fuck me till I can't see straight...I can't...please...don't make it hurt more than it already does..." He was crying. He wanted to crawl back in bed...but they couldn't. It was only tonight. The moment he walked out that door...it never happened. And it wouldn't ever happen again.

Miyavi wiped the tears off his face, hating how completely unfair life was. "I don't want to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. I was so stupid...I should never have let you go. And now...I want you so bad...I can't ask for anything. I have no right to hope you'd stay after what I put you through. But...please...if it's just tonight..." He started pulling him back towards the bed. "Stay a little longer...Let me have you just one last time..."

Tempting...too tempting. Dai found his clothes once again hitting the floor and his naked body flush against Miyavi's. It was so...right. He missed it. Sleeping next to him, waking up to Miyavi's mouth slightly open with his hair in his face...the cuddling, the kissing, the incessant need to touch eachother. He missed it and wished that he could have it back dearly...but only tonight. So...he'd make the night stay a bit longer.

"If you only have me tonight...what do you plan to do to me?" Of all the things they used to do...what would Miyavi want to do to him?

His heart leaped for joy when Dai came back to the bed with him. He loved how easily Dai fit into his arms. He never got over how well their bodies fit together. Everything about Dai sparked memories that he treasured. He suddenly remembered the first time they kissed, up in the tower of the school. Dai had been sneaky and had used Miyavi's candy as bait. The memory made him chuckle and he moved more on top of him and pinned his arms down.

"I plan on giving you exactly what you want. I'm gonna hold you down and fuck you into the mattress. Just like those times you used to wear those skinny jeans and tease me all day. I don't want to take my hands off you." He kissed him, hard, showing his passion and love. Just one night. He had to make it memorable.

Dai moaned at the sensation he got from Miyavi. It was dizzying and he never wanted to let that feeling die. But he had to remind himself that it was only tonight...so he'd enjoy this as much as possible. "Good...then fuck me...don't let up...make me beg like I used to..." Even now...they still talked dirty. It was amazing at how easy it all still came to them...five years together and three years apart...yet...it was like their breakup had never happened.

Miyavi knew how Dai liked when they were talking dirty. He knew how Dai liked him to suck on that spot below his ear and trace his fingers over the tattoo on his hip. He knew what Dai wanted and how he liked it. In everything. If Dai stayed, Miyavi knew just what to get him for breakfast. And he knew that Dai brought his own soap to the hotel since he hated the harshness of hotel soaps. This was his Dai, his love, his best friend. So when he grabbed the lube and started prepping him, he knew right where to touch.

He smirked deviously at him, a knowing smirk he hadn't used on anyone else. He started kissing down his body and wasted no time in taking his erection into his mouth. Miyavi would show him that he still knew where all his sweet spots were.

His brain function went from barely working to completely dead in a matter of seconds. Miyavi just...knew. He knew everything about him...and he couldn't lie that he enjoyed this much more than anything Fuji did...but he couldn't just end things with his boyfriend...he couldn't. The blonde moaned at everything...every little touch, every kiss...everything. His body remembered Miyavi...it knew it's owner was back...he would remember this always...and maybe when him and Fuji ended...well...hopefully Miyavi will still want him.

He knew Dai was enjoying it. Especially when he twisted his fingers inside him in such a certain way that made him arch off the bed and cry out. He hummed happily around his mouthful. Once Dai was ready, he wasted no time in coating himself and pushing himself in, reveling in the familiar heat. Miyavi let his head fall back and he moaned Dai's name.

Miyavi set a good pace, something he knew would have Dai quickly begging for more. Once he hit his prostate, he knew it wouldn't be long before Dai was a moaning, begging mess. Just how he liked to be.

Miyavi was quick and knew his limit...oh and Dai knew he would be pushed to it. Not that he minded at all. He loved it. He had to keep his noise level in check but it was alright...that is until Miyavi found his prostrate. Oh it hadn't been touched in awhile. He reveled in it. Begging for more...rougher....faster...more of everything. More of Miyavi...before he had to give him up.

"Oh god...I missed this...more...please master...give me more..."

He held Dai's wrists down above his head and pounded harder, using all the force he could muster. Maybe if he gave it rough enough, hard enough, Dai would want him back. They could be together again and there would be no more worries. Sakuya would hate him and probably leave the band, but the bassist, Yuu, had a little brother who was amazing on the drums. it would be no problem replacing him. Miyavi would do it. He had to keep Dai.

"I love you, Dai..." He muttered at his neck, being careful not to bite too hard. He couldn't leave a mark, as much as he wanted to.

"Ah!...I...I love you too...god...Miyavi...master..." He couldn't get enough...this just made him want him back even more. But he couldn't do that to Fujisaki...and Miyavi couldn't do that to his boyfriend...this was how it had to be...for now at least.

"Oh god...so close..."

Miyavi kept moving, Dai's voice echoing in his ears like a favorite song. He moaned and gasped, loving every sensation. He was getting close and Dai was starting to tense up around him. Miyavi started stroking him, pumping him with his frenzied thrusts. He had to get Dai to cum, had to get him to his release and make him dizzy with it. If he could just show Dai how well he still knew his body, maybe he would take him back.

Dai's body was spasming with pleasure. Miyavi was making spots appear in his line of vision. So much passion, and love...so intense...his body couldn't handle anymore. He called out Miyavi's name as his orgasm washed over him. His eyes rolled back and his body twitched when Miyavi released inside him. When he came down though, Miyavi was still in his arms. It was so...unreal. He had to leave and pretend like this never happened.

"Wear a condom when you're with him...I want to be the last one to have felt that..."

He came seconds after Dai clenched around him. It felt so incredible. Not only having Dai like this, but twice. He was tired and spent. He lay in Dai's arms, panting a little as he came down.

"Trust me...no one else has felt that but you...ever..." He kissed his chest and pulled out of him to lay at his side. He pulled Dai into his arms and tried to cuddle him. "Don't go yet...please...just five more minutes..."

Just five more minutes. He used to say that each morning, not wanting to get out of bed and go to class. He'd rather spend his time next to Dai as long as he could. He smiled, remembering their bed, or rather, beds at school that they pushed together. He used to curl up with Dai's pillow when he wasn't around, just because it smelled like him. Just like how Dai would wear Miyavi's sweaters, especially when he was sick. He missed that so much.

Five more minutes...Dai laughed and cuddled with Miyavi. "You haven't changed...alright...five more minutes. Then I have to get a shower and go back to my own room...before your boyfriend gets back...wow...that sounded bad." Dai cuddled him and just about refused to let Miyavi go. He missed this.

"My skittle gremlin...oh I missed you...you will always have my heart...my body...you still own it...even if you don't have it. I'm still yours..." Five minutes passed and Dai moved and got in the shower. It was there that he broke down. This was the end. Him and Miyavi were done...and afterward they shared one last kiss...then he walked out the door. Out the door...and none of it happened. He didn't have sex...he didn't confess his love to his ex...he simply helped a fellow tourmate to his bed...and then left. Now...he had to go to Fujisaki and act like nothing had changed.

Dai got up and went to take a shower. Miyavi stayed in the bed, silent, trying to keep himself from breaking down. The bed smelled like Dai and that made his heart ache for him. He wanted to have him back in his arms. It hurt to say goodbye. That last kiss left him sadly breathless. Once the door shut behind Dai, Miyavi fell back to the bed and cried, begging through his tears to any god that would listen to please bring Dai back to him. It just couldn't end like this. No, it just couldn't END.

Two weeks later, Miyavi was a miserable mess. Sakuya was worried. He came to see him, even though Miyavi kept pushing him away. And not just him but everyone. The band, his manager, friends. Miyavi hid in his now trashed apartment, sitting in the dark and muttering to himself. He only let Sakuya come over when he had drugs. Even then, it wasn't pretty. Sakuya was starting to get scared. Miyavi was more suicidal then ever and the bandages around his wrists and the cuts on his thighs were becoming a normal sight. It was scary.

Having no other place to turn, Sakuya found Dai. He stood outside his door and knocked and knocked until Dai finally answered. "Please...I need your help. Miyavi...he's not...well. He's strung out on drugs and alcohol and he's been cutting himself more than he used to. I can't help him. He won't even let me close sometimes. He mutters your name in his sleep...all the time. I...I know it's a risk to our relationship to ask your help, but what relationship could I have with him if he dies? Please...help him?"

Sakuya gave Dai the spare key to Miyavi's apartment and decided to let Dai handle him for a while. By the time Dai showed up, Miyavi was laying on his bathroom floor, wearing nothing but boxers and one of his old QA sweaters that Dai used to steal. His thighs looked awful and he was singing to himself while playing with a knife. Remains of cocaine were on the bathroom counter and there was a half empty bottle spilling out onto the floor near him. The apartment was messy and in the living room was the remains of Miyavi's old, yellow guitar that he used to treasure so much. Nothing mattered now. He was seconds from ending it all.

Dai answered the door in a confusing daze...Miyavi...oh no. Sakuya offered to switch rooms with him for a couple days until Miyavi got sorted out. Dai asked Fuji, and his caring boyfriend agreed immediately. Miyavi's life and well being was on the line. Who could say no? So, Dai got dressed and went to Miyavi's room. He opened the door to a horrible sight. He found Miyavi in the bathroom...and just wanted to cry. He sat down in his lap and took the knife away. He set it on the counter next to the needles and cupped Miyavi's face so he could look at him.

"Miyavi...why? Why would you do this?...You have so much brilliance and talent...don't waste it...please stop. Don't do this."

Miyavi felt himself get lifted a little off the ground and he groaned. "No, Sakuya, go away. I don't want any sex." He mumbled and tried weakly to push Dai away. His eyes weren't even open because he knew how dizzy he would get if they weren't. He groaned again and tried to nuzzle against who was holding him. The person was warm and the bathroom floor was very cold. He did leave all the windows open. It was very cold in the room. Miyavi sniffled and yawned. Where did his knife go?