After so Long...

Daisuke Andou was a talented guitarist. He had gotten into a band and was all but cured of his eating disorder...well not really but everyone thought he was. That might have been cause no one knew. Dai hadn't told anyone about it. He just...ignored it. Truth be told he didn't care. Nothing really mattered. Sure he acted happy and had a boyfriend...but none of that mattered to him really. His heart was dead. He didn't have the one thing he always thought he'd have.

Miyavi.

They had broken up at the end of their years at Quiesuco Academy. That day was still the worst day of Dai's life...he hated it. But he was in a band...and getting famous. Maybe...maybe he'd come to a show...come see him...but he doubted it. Their parting words were 'I fucking hate you! Get out! I hope I never see you again asshole!' God was he stupid then. But that was...three years ago? So long...and now here he was...going to a band meeting. All the bands playing were going to meet there. Three up and coming bands, including them, and the four head liners. It was a big concert tour...and his boyfriend's arms were wrapped around them as they stood waiting for the night to begin.

"Hello all. I hope you all know who I am...if not then why are you on my tour? Since this is the kickoff with three brand new bands we're going to play a game. Yeah...we're going back to fourth grade. Okeh...start off with your name, band, instrument, and then something that no one but maybe your band knows about you. Alright? We'll start with Deadrock." He pointed to one of the two other bands...oh this would be fun...

MIyavi had found his way into the music profession, playing his guitar and singing with a band. They were getting quite popular. They're first full length album was due to come out in a month or so. But until then, they were touring. This little tour would be interesting. They were pairing with a bunch of bands, some known, some new. It was going to be a blast. Miyavi wasn't quite interested, though. Barely anything interested him, not even his boyfriend, the drummer of the band he was in. Sure they were good together and he got Miyavi to laugh easily, but he wasn't happy. Not since he left school...since he left Dai.

It was sad to think of how they ended. He didn't mean for it to end so badly. Even though they both went to chase their dreams, it was hard to realize that Dai was all he wanted. He wouldn't tell anyone how he felt. Not even his boyfriend. He wanted to keep him happy.

So, here they were, in a meeting with the bands they'd be performing with. He was sitting on a couch next to his boyfriend, smoking and generally not paying attention until someone decided they should play a 'get to know you' game. Suddenly all the other bands in the room were looking at them. Miyavi looked to his bandmates, who all were looking at him. He was the band leader after all.

"O-okay, I guess I'll go first. Um, I'm Miyavi, I'm the vocalist and a guitarist for the band Deadrock...uh...something noone knows but maybe my band? I...uh...I used to have a Skittle fetish?" He shrugged and leaned against his drummer/boyfriend and went back to smoking. He didn't care what anyone here thought.

Dai almost stopped breathing. Miyavi...was there...oh good lord. His brain shut off until his band came up. It was Nightmare 21's turn...and Dai was retreating. He was the last in the band to go and his boyfriend, the bassist in the band went right before him.

"Hey, you can't get out of it. The last one to go. Come on babe..." Dai stopped and turned around. He wasn't happy at all. But he pretended he was only messing around.

"Daisuke, Dai for short, Nightmare 21, guitarist, and...I came up with the name of our band. It's also the reason why I used to not hate my tattoo."

Miyavi's heart almost stopped beating. He sat up and his mouth almost hung open. Dai. Dai. DAI! He couldn't even think anymore and he hid his face behind his boyfriend's arm. He understood everything Dai said and it struck him to the core. He almost felt like crying. The meeting after that moment seemed to last forever and Miyavi couldn't bring himself to look across the room at his ex-boyfriend. The man he still loved with every fiber of his being.

His boyfriend noticed something was wrong and kept trying to ask him, only making Miyavi shake his head and try to disappear. Once the meeting was over, he claimed needing to use the restroom and he bolted. Once in the men's room he leaned against the wall and swore loudly. Dai was here. How could he ever face him? How could he ever tell him how much he meant? Miyavi was near tears and he looked in the mirror. He looked so worn, aged. Three years of what he always thought he wanted and he looked ten years older. Sleepless nights took their toll. Even when you were sleeping next to someone who loved you. The drummer wasn't what Miyavi wanted. He unbuttoned a few buttons on his shirt and opened it to show his chest and the tattoo over his heart. A red dragon with Dai's full name in the tail. He remembered the day Dai got his name tattooed on his hip and Miyavi had wanted to get one with Dai's name but didn't until almost a year after they broke up.

He stared at the image of the tattoo through the mirror and let silent tears fall. He could never have him, now, could he?

Dai couldn't bring himself to look at Miyavi and when it was all over he was gone. Two hours later Dai found sanctuary in the bathroom. He kicked the wall and sank down to the floor. "Fuck!...God dammit." He wiped his mouth of the rest of his boyfriend's juices and hid his face. It wasn't fair. Just when he was starting to accept everything Miyavi had to come back. He hated it. He wanted to do so much...but Miyavi didn't want him. He left him...he was the one to end things...and...it just made him want to cry.

Miyavi had fallen to the floor by the sink and just cried. He didn't know how long and his phone kept going off. He didn't answer it, though. He didn't want to be found. Someone came into the bathroom and Miyavi hid his head , clutching his knees close to his chest. He didn't want to be seen or found. But that voice...it was Dai. How did he find him?

"D-Dai?" He lifted his head, showing his tear-streaked face. There was his ex, leaning against the wall opposite him. Miyavi's shirt still hung open, showing the dragon tattoo clearly. He felt like shit and he wanted to have Dai close to bad it just hurt his heart and mind to think about it.

Dai looked up at Miyavi and just about cried. "Why?...you couldn't just rip out my heart and just disappear forever? Why do you want to torture me? I was happy to be on a tour...and then...nevermind." He was going to say that Miyavi messed everything up. He did a long time ago. Dai didn't resent him though...he missed him. More than anything. But he couldn't...Miyavi had gotten older...moved on...just like he said he was when they broke up. He was 'moving on with his life and going into music.' It caused a huge fight because from where Dai stood that meant leaving him behind...and that's exactly what he did too.

He never got over that.

"What are you doing here? I-I thought you were staying in England...." He said, moving to stand up. "I'm not torturing you...and I didn't mess everything up."

He knew what Dai was going to say. You don't spend five years of your life with someone and then not know how they think. That last year, though, was rough. It wasn't just Miyavi's fault and they both knew it. Miyavi sniffled and reached up to wipe the tears away. He wanted so much to go into his arms and beg for his touch. He'd needed Dai so bad.

"I...I'm sorry, Dai..." He said, unable to keep the tears from flowing again.

"You left me. That's messing everything up. You left me behind to go chase your dream...even though mine was the same dream...I couldn't stay in England...everything reminded me of you. I couldn't...I'm sorry isn't going to do much now..." He was with someone...and he could tell Miyavi was with someone too. Someone without an eating disorder...someone who he thought he could chase his dreams with...someone who wouldn't hold him back like Dai was apparently doing all those years. That's what hurt the most. He honestly thought Miyavi thought Dai was holding him back.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Dai..." He said, almost shaking. "I'm not happy. I haven't been since...since...oh god..." He fell back against the wall and slumped to the floor. His heart was aching so bad. He wanted to tell him that he still loved him and wanted him back. But he never could. He saw how that guy had his arms around Dai. Why would Dai ever take him back?

Miyavi couldn't help but cry. He hated it. Hated himself. He banged his head back against the wall and put his arm over his head. His shirt sleeve came up his wrist and a bandage was visible. Miyavi had been suicidal the past few months. Nothing seemed to be getting better and now it just seemed like all hope was gone.

Despite everything it hurt Dai to see Miyavi like that. Miyavi wasn't happy...and...he had bandages on his wrist...The blonde came over and yanked at Miyavi's arm. "What's this?...Miyavi have you been cutting? Are you nuts? You're finally making it in the business like you always wanted and you start cutting? What happened to you?" He was being harsh...but he was still angry at him. He wanted him...and couldn't. Both of them were with other people and they were in the bands they were in...why did all this have to happen now?

"It doesn't matter. It's not what I want..." He looked up at him, not even trying to pull his hand away. "Even if we make it...what's it matter anymore..." He banged his head back against the wall, wishing so much he could disappear. He was feeling the need to a fix. He needed more drugs. HIs drummer boyfriend would take care of him later, he knew. He didn't want to feel anymore. It hurt too much.

Dai looked stunned. He pulled Miyavi up to look him dead in the eye. "It better matter because you tore my life apart for it. You were everything to me...and you left for this...so if it doesn't matter to you then what on this planet does? Because it obviously isn't your own well being and it wasn't me and it isn't your band. So what is it?" He truly wanted to know. Those five years were the best Dai ever had...and this...was hell. Miyavi had changed...and Dai didn't like it at all. Where did that fun loving skittle gremlin go?

"I wasn't trying to hurt you, Dai...." he said, shaking his head. "I never wanted to hurt you. I didn't know it would be like this. I always wanted you but I didn't think it would hurt this much. The band wasn't what I wanted. I realized that two years ago." He pointed to his chest and the dragon tattoo. "But I'll never get what I want. So why bother?"

He swore and banged his head back again, harder this time to make himself feel a little dizzy. He wanted to make the pain go away and it wasn't working. Dai would still hate him.

Dai looked at Miyavi's tattoo and was shocked to find the tattoo that Miyavi had always said he would get but never did. "Miyavi...hey! Stop that or so help I will walk out and never talk to you again." He moved and looked at the tattoo. It was there alright.

"This is fucked up...I have a boyfriend...you have a boyfriend...even if...we can't." He couldn't really speak. Though the thought of having the owner of his heart back did sound very nice...but no...they couldn't.

He watched Dai's face as he considered the tattoo. Miyavi never thought Dai would see it. And here they were...and Dai was so close. Miyavi reached out and pulled him close, so they were only inches apart.

"Call me 'gremlin'....please..." He would deal with his boyfriend later. This was too important to pass up. His heart was racing and his hands were shaking as he reached up to run his fingers through Dai's hair. "I-I need you..."

It wasn't want anymore. It was pure need. He needed Dai. He needed a reason to not be so self-destructive. Even if it was just once. He couldn't live with Dai hating him. He reached down to Dai's hip, running his fingers over where he knew the tattoo sat.

"...Please..."

Dai's breathing hitched...Miyavi...and...he was-"Dai-uh...am I interrupting something?" His boyfriend had walked in. Dai looked up and shook his head.

"No...he fell and hit his head really hard. I was making sure he was alright...I'm going to take him back to his room so he can lie down. What'd you need Fujisaki?" His boyfriend shook his head.

"I...I just wanted to make sure what happened earlier was alright...you kind of choked." Oh...the blowjob...

"No. I'm fine. I'll see you later alright?" He helped Miyavi up and kissed his boyfriend...he'd go to bed with him later and he knew that his boyfriend understood he would see him then. The blonde helped Miyavi back to his room...or a random room on the floor of the hotel they were all on. No bags so no one was using it. Lock the door...and Dai pulled Miyavi to him in a steamy kiss. He'd give in.

"Just this once...we can't afford to start something like this...but for tonight...in this room...my body is yours."

His heart fell, seeing Dai's boyfriend. He looked away, trying not to cry. He pulled his shirt closed, as if the man could read Dai's name from there. He didn't want to introduce himself, sure that Dai's boyfriend would recognize him name from the kanji on his hip. Miyavi let his head hang low as Dai led him back to his room, sure Dai would just leave him. The hotel room was a mess, bottles on the dresser and some drugs scattered near them. Miyavi spent most of the day in this hotel, avoiding everyone. His band, even his boyfriend knew that he was just antisocial sometimes and would randomly distance himself. Even though the drummer was probably worried about him, Miyavi didn't care. Nothing matteres.

Suddenly, Dai was kissing him. Miyavi moaned and leaned into him, trying to get more. "Dai..." He breathed his name, feeling already intoxicated by the scent of him. Even after all these years, Dai smelled the same. It felt like he just had a wish come true. He pulled him close and kissed him again, his arms slipping around his waist to keep him close. Dai would let him have this night.

"Please...I need you, Dai...take me...please..." His voice was shaky. He hadn't let anyone top him since Dai. No one would ever make him feel that good.

Dai gasped and moved Miyavi to the bed, taking his shirt off in the process. "Only if you do take me too...I've missed you..." Tonight...only tonight...but it would be amazing. He couldn't believe it was happening. But it was. It didn't long till they were naked and trying to get as much of the other as possible. He couldn't get enough...he just couldn't. Miyavi was all he wanted...all he ever wanted. And for only one night he would have him...this was more important than anything.

"Lube...we're going to need lube."

Miyavi fell to the bed, gasping and moaning and just plain needing more. Clothes were strewn about and Miyavi pinned Dai down to lavish his tattoo like he used to back at school. He couldn't get enough of him. Every kiss and touch just left him needing more. He kept breathing out his name, savoring every second.

Dai mentioned lube and Miyavi had to pull himself away to grab some lube from the dresser. He came back and straddled Dai's hips, leaning over him and taking the whole moment in.

"I-I missed you, too....so much. I...I..." he shook his head and smiled sadly. They only had this moment. Dai was in love with someone else. It would be useless to tell him how he felt. Miyavi kissed him, rocking his hips down on him and trying to get him to make some noise.

Dai groaned as the lube found his hand. Miyavi was doing everything right...and Dai couldn't have him past tonight. They couldn't...they just couldn't. But he knew what Miyavi was going to say. The blonde flipped them once more and leaned down to kiss Miyavi again.

"I know...I love you too." He did too. Though Fugisaki was nice...he wasn't in love. Miyavi was the only one...the only one there ever was. He wasn't really sure how he ended up dating Fuji...he just kind of did. The bottle was opened and Dai's fingers started prepping Miyavi.

"They're all getting drunk and I know you can't get loud but I want to hear you moan..." He moved them to find a spot he hadn't touched in a very long time...but Miyavi would feel it. After all that time...he couldn't not do this...he wanted everything...and only had tonight. Plus he had to take a shower before going back to Fuji or he'd know. Dai couldn't leave Miyavi's smell on him. That would be a huge disaster.

He gasped as he flipped them, throwing his arms around Dai's neck and trying not to shiver at his touches. He heard Dai say he loved him and Miyavi couldn't help the few tears that streaked down his face. Miyavi wanted him back so bad. He would give up everything. His drummer boyfriend, his band even, just to have Dai back permanently.

"I'll moan for you. I'll scream....I'll do anything for you, Dai...anything..." He said, his voice a little shaky. He was feeling almost overwhelmed with his emotions. He cried out when Dai started prepping him, knowing exactly where to touch him. He bit his lip and tried not to sound too wanton. It was almost like they hadn't spent anytime apart. Miyavi pulled him down and bit at that spot below his ear, that spot that always made him crazy.

Dai groaned at Miyavi's lips at his ear. Fuji had never figured that out...but it was as sensitive as ever. He finished prepping Miyavi and handed the bottle to him. "Coat me..." He braced himself on Miyavi's shoulders. Feeling those fingers wrap around him...oh man...this gave him more of a high than anything he'd done with Fuji. Sure he cared for his boyfriend and wouldn't do this again...but...he missed this...and there was no way he'd stop it. Dai postioned himself at Miyavi's entrance.

"Brace yourself." That and a kiss was all the warning Miyavi got before the blonde pushed into him.

He noticed Dai shiver at the bite and he smiled, a real smile. Something that hadn't been seen in years. He was making Dai happy. He felt the bottle of lube pressed into his hand and he coated Dai, slowly, running his fingers along those oh so sensitive spots he knew always got to him.

Miyavi laid his hands above his head and nodded, more than ready to feel Dai inside him again. Dai gave him a little warning and Miyavi gasped, that sensation being something he hadn't felt in years. Something he'd only let Dai do. It felt so good, the way they both still knew each other's bodies so well. It was almost perfect. The moment was bittersweet, though because he knew it was only just tonight.

Dai didn't wait long before he was moving against Miyavi at an almost frenzied pace. He was in love...and he could only have one night...that's what made this so special and depressing. But he wasn't thinking about it. The world was gone...it was them...no one else. Just like it used to...and now he could finally let Miyavi go. Just like he had Toshiya. It was almost killing him...but no...Miyavi was all he wanted. All he had at this moment.

"Gremlin...beg..." The room was a mess but Dai didn't care. Miyavi was there and he had Dai completely under his control...he was intoxicated by him...and outside the room, this never happened.