Fanservice not held to the show

Shouldn't do what? "Mally-chan you aren't making sense. Shouldn't do what? Sex? Okeh we don't have to if you don't want to. It's not something to cry over Mally. I won't do anything. Just cuddling okeh?" She was trying to calm her down after getting Mally to sit. What had gotten her so upset?

She whimpered a little. Miko wasn't getting it. Mally didn't want to upset her but Jyo was right. There couldn't be something like this in the band.

"No, Miko...I mean...we can't be together. A-at all." She leaned forward in the chair and hid her face in her hands, crying. This hurt too much. She didn't want to do this. She wanted to just hold onto her and keep her close. But this was for the band.

Miko was stunned. Mally didn't want to be with her? But why? "Mally-chan. I-I thought...didn't you like me?" She didn't understand. Had she done something? Maybe she was too clingy. Something had to have happened. Miko just didn't know what. Though she did stand up and move away from her. The guitarist felt like crying. This dream bubble she was in finally popped. Now reality was sinking in.

Mally kept crying, feeling Miko stand up and move away. She was trembling now, scared to tell her no. She didn't want to tell her no. She wanted to climb into Miko's arms and stay there forever. It was safe in Miko's arms.

"We just...just can't." She said through tears. She wasn't going to lie to Miko and tell her that she didn't like her. She pulled her legs up onto the chair and hugged onto herself. She wanted to disappear so bad. Her heart hurt so much and she hated this misery.

"I see. Well then I guess we can't really share a room either since you like to cuddle." Miko was hurt and angry. She didn't understand. Naoto came back to Mally and Miko stayed far away. It was a stupid idea to try to have her. The tour went on as planned, though the entire band could feel the rift that had come between them.

By the end of it Miko had an announcement. She couldn't do this. It hurt far to much to see Mally. More than she thought it would.

"I'm quitting the band. Things...have just become too hard. I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry." No one had seen her smile for weeks. Miko had been crushed and she couldn't deal with it anymore. So she was getting far away. Exist Trace was breaking up.

Miko had left and Mally felt broken to pieces. Naoto came back and no matter what she did, Mally wouldn't talk. She cried herself to sleep in that chair. The next day, she still hadn't spoken a word to anyone. She hid in a baggie hoodie, listening to her mp3 player and pretty much just avoiding everyone. She did what she had to and then she went away to hide. No one could get her to talk at all. Not a single word. She seemed void of emotion, except for the random bouts of tears. The band grew solemn and Naoto spent her nights with Mally trying to get the drummer to eat something. She was worried about how pale and thin Mally seemed. This was all wrong.

And then, the tour finally came to an end. None of the girls seemed happy. There was too much tension floating around. Miko made her announcement and Mally hid her face again, sobbing almost uncontrollably. Naoto came right to her side and tried to console her. Jyo had had enough.

"No. I'm not letting this band fall apart! I...Miko, sit down. This is all my fault." She turned to look at the pathetic form of the crying drummer. "I'm sorry, Mally. I didn't mean for things to be like this. I didn't mean to hurt either of you as much as I have. Miko..." She turned back to the guitarist. "I told Mally...well, remember that day on the bus when you two fell asleep on each other? I...I've seen the way she looks at you and I know she cares for you. Deeply. I pulled her aside and...and I told her not to get involved with you because it would ruin the band. Looks like it did, anyway. I'm sorry. To all of you. Please...can't we find some way to keep the band together?

Miko was furious to say the least. She looked at Jyo with nothing but anger. "You did this? And you listened to her Mally? There's no way to repair it. You managed to get my hopes and happiness crushed with a single sentence. Way to go Jyo. The only I wanted was Mally and things looked great until she told me no and turned me away. I felt used and led on. And now you tell me it's because of you? Why would you do that? You know how much I adored Mally and wanted to be with her." Omi looked at Jyo in surprise.

"Jyo...I was the one that told her to go for it. I figured someone in this band should get what they want...I can't believe you did that." Miko was in tears as she just shook her head and walked away. This was too much.

Mally looked up, worry on her tear-stained cheeks. Everyone was fighting. She felt awful and dizzy. This was all her fault somehow. She was stupid. Stupid Mally. Why did she listen to Jyo? She was shaking visibly and Naoto was at her side, saying her name softly and trying to get her to calm down. Mally couldn't even breathe right. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't be over. Miko was walking out of that door and she'd never see her again.

"Miko!" Mally stood up but fell right over. Naoto gasped and came down to Mally's side.

"Mally? Mally!" Naoto tried to shake her but the drummer wasn't responding. "You guys. She's unconscious. I knew this would happen. She hasn't eaten in days. Haven't you all seen what this has done to her? It's too much for her to handle. She loves you, Miko. Can't you see it?"

Naoto was just as angry as everyone else seemed. Maybe even more. She had been sharing a room with Mally this whole time and noticed how the drummer was closing herself off. It was unhealthy and Naoto was scared for her.

"I think we need to call an ambulance." She and Omi lifted her up and laid her down on the couch. Jyo made the call with shaky hands.

Once out the door Miko ran. She didn't hear Naoto...only the closing of something that had started out amazing...but she didn't get more than four blocks when an ambulance passed her. She saw it stop right...at the venue. Oh god. What happened? Quickly as she could Miko ran back to the concert hall and saw them taking Mally out. Oh no...she turned around looking for the one person that would know what happened.

"Naoto...what happened? Why are they taking Mally-san away?"

"You...you didn't hear? She got up to chase you. She called your name. But she passed out. Miko, I...I don't know what to do. She's been an absolute wreck. She won't eat and I think she's been cutting herself. I've been trying so hard to get through to her. Until she said your name today, she hasn't spoken a word. Can't you see that she loves you?"

Naoto walked towards the ambulance. She would stick by Mally's side. She turned back to Miko and gave her a look.

"Well? Are you coming?"

Mally loved her? But if she loved her then she wouldn't have listened to Jyo! Speaking of, where was Jyo? Oh. Talking with Omi. Well good luck. Naoto's tone said that she wasn't very happy with Miko. This wasn't her fault though. The guitarist still scrambled into the ambulance as they took Mally to the hospital.

"Mally-san...you can't do this. The band needs you." Even if the didn't have Miko. She wouldn't come back with things like they were between them. She wouldn't be able to handle that.

Jyo was off crying hysterically about ruining the band and Omi was trying to comfort her. Naoto stayed by Mally's side, biting on her finger nails in anxiety. At the hospital, the doctors took Mally in, leaving Naoto and Miko in the waiting room.

"How can you do this? How can you leave the band?" Naoto just came out and said it. She was pissed, too, and hadn't had anyone to vent on. Not having Miko was killing Mally. Naoto couldn't help but imagine what losing her completely would do. "Are you really that blind? Have you not even given Mally a glance since that night she turned you away? And after what Jyo said...how can you doubt Mally?"

Miko looked down and sighed. "Because if she really did love me she would've saw that I loved her too. She wouldn't have listened to Jyo. That's what makes me doubt. You noticed her changes but did you even see what happened to me?" Miko looked up at Naoto. She'd stopped wearing dresses. Instead Miko was wearing vk pants and shirts that all but hid her from the world. Miko wasn't eating much either. She had been crushed when Mally told her no. She honestly thought that Mally was just messing with her. Miko had retreated into herself. She had become distant and did nothing more than a bow and a small hello to the crowds now. But things looked all wrong now.

"I can't stay in the band with a gaping hole in my chest Naoto. I just can't."

Naoto was about to say something but a doctor came towards them to talk about Mally. They asked some questions and Naoto answered. Mally was just undernourished. They had her on an IV drip to put some nutrients back into her body. He brought them to her room. Mally was asleep on the hospital bed, her face set in a sad frown. The doctor said they had to have a psychologist come speak with her when she woke up. There were cuts on her thighs and wrists. They had to make sure this wasn't a suicide attempt. There was a tray next to Mally's bed with a plate of food and some vitamins for her to take.

Naoto thanked the doctor and went to Mally's bedside. She looked up at Miko and there were tears in her eyes. "If you can still find a way to love her...don't leave her like this. Please. Who knows what she'll do to herself next."

Miko moved to the bed and crawled up on it to cuddle with Mally's sleeping form. She started crying after about a minute and didn't stop until she was asleep on Mally's bed. Omi and Jyo had worked things out. It was them that had the problem, not Miko and Mally. They could see it by the way the two looked now. Jyo had made a horrible mistake. She tried to get Miko to move but all Miko did was kick her in her stomach and ignore her. She was very angry with her still. None of this would've happened had it not been for Jyo telling Mally to end things.

Mally stirred a little, feeling another presence on the bed with her. She turned and nuzzled against the warmth, muttering Miko's name. She slept better with Miko next to her. Looking up at her screen, Naoto smiled seeing that Mally's blood pressure evened out. She was getting better. Naoto pulled Omi and Jyo out in the hallway to talk and to give the two privacy.

Mally's eyes fluttered open and she gasped. Miko was laying right next to her. She looked around, confused. Were they in a hospital? She started to get scared and so she tried to wake Miko up.

"Miko...what happened?" She looked so fragile and scared.

Miko stirred and held on tighter to Mally. She opened her eyes and looked up to see that Mally had woken up. "Mally-san. You passed out. They called an ambulance and brought you here. They said you didn't have enough nutrients in your body. The doctore also said you'd been cutting. Why? You have such a beautiful body."

"I...I'm so stupid, Miko. I shouldn't have listened to Jyo." She said, her voice cracking and her eyes filling again with tears. "I want to be with you so bad but Jyo said things...made me think that I would be singlehandedly ruining the band by being with you."

She wiped at her eyes and tried to move closer into Miko's arms. "Don't let go. Please? Your arms are the only place I feel safe."

She nuzzled against her, her tears wet against Miko's neck. She was trembling a little, scared that Miko would be mad at her and leave. The band was done for and Mally was extremely depressed. She felt so much better around Miko and she was scared that the feeling would go away. She didn't want to be shy and apprehensive anymore. She could be herself around Miko.

Miko held tighter to her. "Mally...couldn't you see it in my eyes? All I wanted was you." She nuzzled into Mally, hoping to not be turned away. She doubted she would be but then again she didn't even see it coming the first time. Miko wanted to kiss her though it wasn't a good idea at the moment. It still didn't stop her from wanting to.

"I know. It's all I want, too. I was just scared at what Jyo said. I don't want to ruin the band and I did. The band is the most important thing in my life. It's all I know. But you...you're everything. Everything I want. But it's just killing me that I can't have both." Mally was shaking and getting almost hysterical. She didn't want Exist Trace to end. She didn't want to go back to the nothing that her life was before. She loved playing her drums and it was a career she knew she could do. But not having Miko was worse.

"What do I do, Miko? How do I fix it? I-I'm so sorry..." She sobbed and held tight to her. She wasn't letting go. Not at all. She felt like such a better person around Miko and she didn't, she couldn't, lose that. Every scar on her body was from fear. Fear of moving on, of losing everything. It was just too much.

"You can have both Mally-san. You can have me and keep Exist Trace together. The only reason I was leaving was because I couldn't take being around you and not being with you. Before it was fine but after all that it was like a stabbing pain in my chest." Miko moved so she was above Mally looking down.

"I still want you Mally-san...but I can't be in Exist Trace with things like they are now." She was meaning the strain and chaos that had been building between them.

Mally found herself on her back and Miko was straddling her. The drummer was starting to calm down at what Miko said. She wiped the tears off her cheeks and looked up hopeful. Having both? Could it really work?

"Tell me what to do, then. I need to be with you, Miko." Mally reached out with her shaky hands and tried to pull her close. She felt cold when Miko wasn't close.

"Then date me...take me to bed...cuddle me...kiss me. I'm yours Mally...I'm all yours." Miko got up the courage and leaned in to kiss Mally again. If they somehow didn't end up together now...well Miko felt like she would die.

"So you want both then?"

Mally cried and held tight to Miko. Miko was hers? Was it really true? Miko kissed her and Mally melted, gripping at her shirt so she wouldn't pull away so fast. All her problems melted away.

"Yes...I want you and I want the band. Please..." She looked so fragile still. Her world revolved around that band and her feelings for Miko. Loosing one or the other would make her world shatter worse than it had been during the last weeks of the tour. She didn't think she could live through it.

Miko smiled softly. "Then don't listen to Jyo next time. I'm not going anywhere Mally. The band is safe. I just couldn't do with not having you." She kissed Mally again before settling herself back in her arms. The guitarist wanted nothing more than this. She had Mally and the band. That's all Miko could ever ask for. Plus those dresses were starting to look appealing again. She guessed she had to be happy to be able to wear them. A sad lolita wasn't very fun.