Rough in Gryffndor Tower

Ancient Runes, Muggle Studies, Potions, Transfiguration...who knows what else...It seemed like every class wanted an essay and had a test coming up. Remus was up to his eyebrows in homework. Of course, his friends had disappeared. Most of them, anyway. Sirius never really disappeared. Somehow, he was thankful for that. Even though the messy haired teen never studied, his company was nice. Especially today, when everyone else was in Hogsmeade.

Remus was in his jammies, sitting on his bed and looking at several open books and parchment all over the covers. He had a quill poised between his fingertips and he was waiting for an idea to strike him for the next paragraph in his potions essay. scurvy-grass is most efficacious in the inflaming of the brain, and is therefore much used in Confusing and Befuddlement Draughts, where the wizard is desirous of producing hot-headedness and recklessness.

He sighed and looked up. Sirius was sitting in the window sill. Remus smiled. The brunet was not wearing a shirt and was holding that guitar again. Why did he look so sexy when he played that guitar? a blush tainted Remus's cheeks and he looked back down at his books. He was only a nerd. He wished he could play the guitar. Maybe then...maybe then Sirius would find him attractive.

Sirius had declined to go on the first trip to Hogsmeade with Prongs for the simple fact that he had caught wind that Evans would actually be giving him a chance and Merlin knew that if he stayed around, Prongs would never succeed in his quest for the fiery girl. So he elected to stay behind as long as James brought him things from Zonkos and got a whole lot of chocolate frogs. Remus always managed to get in his stash after the moon...or any time really. Not that he minded, no, Sirius had left his secret stash right where it was just so his furry friend could indeed get to them without trouble. It didn't matter where Sirius put his chocolate he knew Remus would find it. Werewolf nose and all that jazz. It wasn't a bad to be out and about but Remus was inside doing the nerdiest thing ever. He was doing homework.

"Homework on a Saturday. It really is a wonder how you ended up in Gryffindor and not with the Ravies." The animagus teased him but he rather liked when Remus studied. The intense stare, the poised hand ever ready to write down thoughts, the way his muscles tensed when he sat in that position for too long. Sirius could go on for hours about the ways Remus Lupin enticed him but alas, he could not say such a thing. Surely the wolf on the bed had enough to worry about without adding Sirius' liking of him.

"At least one of us knows how though. I'd be sunk in Muggle Studies without you." Padfoot turned back to look out the window. His fingers strumming absently along beautiful guitar that his Uncle Alphard gave him for Christmas to spite his mother. The warmth from outside wouldn't last too much longer. October was nearing and with it the warm weather. They wouldn't be able to go running about without sweaters and coats all too soon.

"I'm glad to be home again but more then that, I'm glad you forgave me. You don't know how much it meant, you forgiving me. You really don't Moons." After what Sirius had done to Snape last year he thought for sure Remus would never speak to him again let alone forgive him. When Remus finally did...it was by far the best day of Sirius Orion Black's life. Stupid as it may have sounded but he needed Remus just as much as James, more so even.

"I didn't mean to get all sappy on ya but I thought you should know how grateful I am. I need you Remus, in case you didn't know. You and James and hell, even Pete. You're the only thing keeping me from turning out like the rest of my family." Sirius shook his head and went back to looking out the window. His idle fingers started to play a tune again as he started to sing. At least he didn't feel so heavy anymore. That was a good sign, he hoped.

"You know, if I didn't study, who would help you pass? James? Yeah, right." Remus shook his head and looked back down at his books. Sirius always got to him. Not in a bad way, but he just...got to him. Their teasing always left a half smile on his face. He dared to glance over and...was...was Sirius staring at him? Again? Remus blushed and looked back at his books. How was it that Sirius could make him feel so crazy like this? His heart was aflutter and he just knew he was giving himself away.

Remus more than adored Sirius. They were more than friends. When Remus discovered that his best friends managed to become animagus, it made him feel like he had a family. The fact that Sirius was a dog and could run with him made him feel like...like they were meant to be together. Of course he never divulged this information to any of his friends, but he had a feeling Lily knew. And if Lily knew, James knew. And if James knew...well, he was in trouble. Remus would do anything to make sure Sirius would remain his friend.

Sirius was strumming at that guitar and looking so perfect while playing. Remus didn't even need to look up from his homework to know exactly how he looked. Sirius had an affinity for being bare chested in the dorm, which Remus didn't mind, so long as he didn't get too close. But he loved the way Sirius handled that guitar like a treasure. He'd never seen Sirius have so much respect for anything like he did for that guitar. It almost made him jealous of the attention the guitar got. But, sadly, most of the time when Sirius played, he grew pensive and dwelled on past emotions that Remus knew ate at him. Like his family and like what happened last year.

"You won't turn out like your family if you don't want to turn out like them. That's what makes you different." Remus closed a book and looked over at him. "You aren't Slytherin, for one. You aren't evil, two. And you aren't a bonehead muttering about wizard revolution. The only trait you got from them is being obnoxious." He hoped that last bit would make him smile.

Remus always made him feel better but damn if it didn't make Sirius wish his Gryffindor bravery didn't fail him every single time. "You don't know though Rem...what if last year was just the beginning? What if I'm just wrong inside? After everything my family's done I'm surprised I'm not like that all the time. All twisted and sick and dark." Sirius' fingers stopped playing and the teen set his guitar back on it's stand only to come over to lay down at the foot of the werewolf's bed.

"I'm afraid of that. That I'm just too damaged to be anything but what my family is like. I have nightmares sometimes..." Padfoot realized how deep into his worries he was going and once again shook it off. He couldn't let anyone know something like that. Not even James knew how terrified he was that he would fall prey into his family legacy. Smirking with a half smile the teen rolled to his side and looked down at his crush's work.

"So what are you doing? The essay that isn't due until next month?"

"You are not twisted and dark..." They'd had this argument before. If only Sirius would believe him. Remus would stand by him no matter what. He knew Padfoot was a good person. He mentioned the nightmares again and Remus frowned. He wished he could take them away. He could see him tossing and turning in his sleep and he wished he could protect him from the horrible darkness of those nightmares.

"You know you can talk to me about the nightmares, right?" He hoped Sirius saw him as a confidant. James was great, but what was between Sirius and Remus was something else. Didn't Sirius feel it?

Remus tried not to stare at him as he laid across his bed. He looked so good with no shirt on. Remus had to pull his eyes away so Sirius wouldn't see him blushing and longing to touch him. His eyes fell on the guitar and he sighed. Sirius loved that thing. Remus wished he could serenade him with it.

"Could you teach me to play the guitar?"

Remus had dodged his question but then again he had always dodged talking about his nightmares. "You want to learn? I always thought of you more as a bass kind of guy." The teen started to get up and grab his guitar again but stopped and went back to Remus. In one smooth motion he had all his friend's books and dropped them on the floor.

"If you want to learn no distractions. Now, take her and be gentle. She is special." Sirius handed Remus the guitar and showed him how to hold the instrument properly.

"Now take your fingers and set them here...and then take the pick in the other hand and strum like this." Sirius was moving Remus' hands in the right motion and showing him how to get the guitar to make the proper sound. It was nice.

"It's not hard to learn bass after you learn guitar really. Just a different set of strokes and holds...seriously. I think you'd do well on the bass. That deep sound they can make...It's be amazing to see you play."

Remus was shocked when Sirius shot up and took all his books away. He had to check to make sure he didn't ruin anything. Sirius may have his guitar, but Remus treasured his grades.

Suddenly, he was surrounded by Sirius, holding that guitar and having Sirius move his hands to show him. Sirius's voice was like honey close to his ears. With Sirius's direction, Remus played a few chords. His heart was pounding in his chest. He could feel the heat radiating off Sirius's body and the way he smelled...Remus could always smell him, but having him this close was intoxicating.

He turned his head to look at him and they were suddenly mere inches apart. Remus looked up into Sirius's eyes and nearly got lost.

"Am I doing this right?" It was a question that asked many things. He so badly wanted Sirius's approval...and his affection. Would it ruin the friendship? Remus was terrified it would. He would rather be stuck fawning over Sirius than lose him for good. Before Sirius could answer his question, he looked away and handed the guitar back. "Here. You're so much better than me..."

Sirius was smiling softly when Remus turned to look at him. Holy Merlin. They were so close. He could feel Remus' breath tickling his lips...god he was so close...Sirius was searching deeply into those honey pools that were Remus' eyes. He started to lean in thinking just maybe...but then he pulled away and handed the guitar back.

"Oh. But you can be good too. I've been playing for years Moony. Practice is all you need. I'd be nice to hear you play. Maybe have that cool rocker vibe flowing underneath all that genius you have." Sirius smirked again and looked at Moony through his hair, stormy eyes locking with golden hazel.

"Maybe not. You've already got enough of an effect on me. I don't need you adding a Sid Vicious vibe to you. Sid does things all on his own with that bass and style of his. If you mixed it with you...Merlin help me I'd turn to goo."

It was very difficult to keep him composure around Sirius at this moment. They were so close and yet so far away. They were sitting on the bed next to each other, but Remus was scared to move. Sirius went on about practicing guitar and Remus smiled.

"If I spend all my time with the guitar, I'll never get any homework done." He chuckled and reached for one of his textbooks. Sirius was going on again, though. Remus had an effect on him? If Remus stood there with a bass and acted like that Muggle band Sirius enjoyed...Sirius would find him attractive? Remus blushed.

"You...you what?" His heart skipped a beat. It seemed to do that a lot around Sirius.

But before they could explore that any further, James and Peter came into the room. Looks like they were back from Hogsmeade and with plenty of stories to tell. Remus just grew quiet and was sitting on the bed eating chocolate frogs from the bag of candy they got Sirius. It would never be like how he imagined. He'd never have Sirius. Maybe it was better that way.

Sirius looked up at Remus' voice. Had he really just said all that out loud?! Oh no! But James and Peter came back in just then and god he was glad of that. James noticed the pair of them and gave a Sirius a look that asked if he had finally spilled the berty botts. Padfoot shook his head. and smiled at the rest of their group.

"So by the weird way you're walking I take it Red turned you down again?" James sat down on the bed and chucked the chocolate he bought Sirius at him. The Black simply grinned and handed the bag to Moony.

"She cursed me with Jelly legs! Who does that anymore? I haven't seen a jelly legs hex since 3rd year! Oi...one day I'll get her to date me. One day."

"Keep telling ya. Learn to play. Chicks dig it. Hell everyone digs it."

"If you tell me to go Iggy Pop on her I swear I'll turn your hair bubble gum pink Black."

"Doesn't have to be Iggy Pop. You could go Bon Jovi on her. He's pretty new. Maybe she's into him." James shook his head and shoved Sirius playfully.

"Shove off. So what all did you two do while we were out getting hexed?"

Yeah, it was disappointing. He so badly wanted to continue that talk with Sirius. Maybe it was for the best, though. It would only complicate their friendship if there was talk about feeling like that, right? Remus sighed and looked back down at his textbook as James prattled on about Lily and her hexing him. Serves him right. She said no.

"I was just doing homework." Remus said, motioning to the parchment and books Sirius tossed onto his trunk before their impromptu guitar lesson. "Look, I gotta go look something up in the library. I'll see you guys at dinner."

Remus gathered up his schoolbag and left the room, not even looking back at his friends. He just couldn't look into Sirius's eyes. Not right now. He'd give himself away and he wouldn't dare do that. Especially not in front of James and Peter.

The werewolf left Gryffindor tower and headed, not to the library, but outside. He needed some fresh air. Sometimes the smells in the castle were too much. He just needed a break. He sat under a tree to gather his thoughts, but they were all about Sirius. How was he supposed to focus on his homework when he couldn't get his mind off his best friend?

Sirius watched as Remus left the room. He was really going to have to talk to him at some point. Peter could tell James wanted to talk to Sirius alone so the rat animagus went down to the kitchens, leaving the two marauders alone.

"You have to tell him eventually Pads. Moony has a right to know."

"I can't Prongs. You know I can't. If I lose him..." Sirius picked up his guitar again and started to play the song he had wrote for Moony. Only thing was Moony had never heard it.

"I know Pads I know. You'll likely just go bloomin mad but that shouldn't stop you. Moony has something there. You can see it plain as day, well I can at least. Your dumb arse is just blind." James wasn't going to take no for an answer this time. Sirius was like a lost puppy without Moony and Merlin knew that Moony was a very sullen wolf without Sirius around. Didn't the two ever notice?

"Just go talk to him. Sing him that song maybe he'll get the hint." Prongs pushed Padfoot to the door just a bit more.

"Go find him. You always do, even when he doesn't want to be found." Sirius nodded and went off to what he figured would be his doom. After looking around the library, the Black found he wasn't surprised by the lack of Moony. Sirius stopped thinking about where he could be and just let his feet take him where he needed to go. Funny that James was right. He always knew where to find the young werewolf, even when he didn't want to be found.

"Hey...mind if I join you?" Sirius didn't want for an invitation acceptance to sit down. He had managed to put on a shirt but the teen was still barefoot out in the warm September air.

"James says I need to stop being so afraid of being around you. I keep thinking that maybe you won't want to be my friend anymore. Like you're going to wake up and that be it. It's stupid I know but...what if you had a secret Moony? One you couldn't tell because it could make you lose the person you care most about? I know you have one like that but you didn't have to worry. Sorry about the way we sprung our knowing about your furry side on you. It wasn't the best way possible." The three other marauders had gotten a whole stash of chocolate from Honeydukes and set it on Remus' hospital bed after a full moon and proceeded to tell him that he was such a howler and all the other horrible innuendos that a werewolf had. It had terrified Remus to say the least. Sirius had been the first to notice that they were upsetting Remus instead of reassuring him. So in true Sirius Black fashion he scooped Remus up in a hug and told him that short of mating one of them on a full moon, they weren't ever likely to give him up.

"And maybe not even then..." Sirius spoke the last words out loud. God he had been such a fool then. If only he had known that a year later he would be wishing Remus would mate him. It was a surprise to him and Merlin knew he had tried to deny it but he couldn't help falling for the shy, kind, beauty that was sitting next to him.

"You want to go swimming? It will be too cold to swim in a few weeks."

How was it that Sirius always found him when he wanted to be alone? Remus scooted over so Sirius could lean against the tree with him. What could he say to him? There he was, smelling so good, just as usual, and Remus had to hide the fact that his feelings for him grew with each passing day.

"You're afraid of me? I'd never hurt you, Padfoot..." He wanted to touch him, to comfort him, but he was scared. Remus was always scared. He couldn't even look into Sirius's eyes. "Being a werewolf isn't my only secret..." He said, but it was barely a whisper. How was it that Sirius seemed to read him like a book? Did he already know the answer? How could he tell Sirius how much he cared? Especially if he was getting afraid to be around him? Remus should distance himself. Maybe then Sirius wouldn't be hurt. Remus would always take the hit to make sure Sirius wasn't hurt.

They were both being pensive and quiet but then Sirius spoke up. "What?" Remus was confused because what he said didn't go with what he was saying before. But before he could get an answer, Sirius had changed the subject. Always, this conversation was cut off. Sirius didn't want to talk about it, obviously. Remus wouldn't bring it up. Sirius was afraid of him and there was something wrong. Did he know about Remus's feelings? This all hurt so much.

"I-I don't want to go swimming. You go on ahead. I've got to finish this essay." He said, packing up his bag to leave. Why was it hurting to be around him?

Sirius looked over at Remus as he started to get up. "You really want to be alone huh?...Alright Brainiac, go be all awesome and smart. I'm probably going to head to the pitch and fly for a bit. Moony? If you ever want to talk, you know I'll listen." With that Sirius ran a hand through his silky black mane and started toward the Quidditch pitch. He never made it though. James caught him before that.

"Chicken."

"I'm going to rip that cloak to shreds if you keep using it to spy on me Prongs. Love you but damn you have got to stop that."

"I love you too Padfoot and that's why I'm doing this. Can't you tell Remus is in the same boat you are?" The pair were still heading to the Quidditch Pitch despite not really wanting to fly. Sirius had figured flying would keep him out of his best friend's clutched but alas. His best friend was a Potter and Merlin knew they were impossible to escape.

"Look. I think he already knows. I think that's why he's been avoiding me like he has. He's been playing keep away since term started. What am supposed to do James? Tie him down and snog him senseless?" The stag had a pensive look for a moment before nodding.

"Yes! That might actually knock some sense into Moony. You know how thick headed he can be."

"You know how damaged your head will be if you don't let it go? There is no proof that Moony likes men and even if he did why would he want to date me? After everything I did to him?" Sirius sat down in one of the bleachers on the pitch. James was so bullheaded when he wanted to be. Damn him straight to hell.

"Because of everything you've been through together? You know everything about him Pads...don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." James was patting Sirius' shoulder as he gave his advice but Sirius had to laugh at the way it was given.

"Where on Earth did you hear a quote like that?"

"It was muggle movie or some such. I don't know but it sounded cool and the sentiment is there. Sirius. Don't let your fear stop you from going after what you want. You're Sirius Orion Black for crying out loud! You never let anything stop you or stand in your way. No one tells you what to do and you don't listen to anybody!"

"Except Moony." James had been stopped in the middle of his ranting. He looked a little confused though and his 'what?' said just how confused the poor bloke was.

"Moony. I listen to him without question. It's like I'm his dog or something. I think it has to do with the wolf thing. Did you notice? You do it too. If he gives us a direct order we stand down no matter what we're doing. We listen to him. Mine's worse though and I was trying to figure out why. I did some investigating into werewolf packs over the summer and found out that it's because his wolf sees us as a pack. It didn't start happening until we were animagus. The reason I obey him more is because his wolf sees me as beta, second in command to his alpha. It's really weird but I can understand it. I don't think Remus has even realized he's gone and formed a pack...but it doesn't make my being in love with him any easier. I mean it sucks to be in love with your best friend but then you bow down to him unconditionally because he's your alpha? I'm so screwed."

"So tell him. I'm telling you it'll make your life way easier Pads. Just trust me. Now if you'll excuse me I see a dashing ginger on her way back from Hogsmeade. Wish me luck!" Padfoot grinned as James started to take off toward the one and only Lily Evans.

"Good luck! Try not to get hexed this time!!" When was James going to learn that Lily wasn't interested? It would be easier if he accepted that they were never going to be like he had accepted that him and Remus were never going to be.

"If only...

~All these possibilities
So many little possibilities
Right in front of us
Close enough to touch
And far enough to have some time to see

All these possibilities
Oh these possibilities
Are written in the stars
We are who we are baby
And I can’t help but think that possibly
There’s possibility~"

Sirius was singing the song he had written years ago to Remus. Only thing was, James had been the only one to ever hear it. If Remus heard it he'd know for sure just how deep Sirius' affection ran and that could be a very dangerous thing.

Remus didn't feel hungry. He skipped dinner, afraid to be confronted by James about this whole thing. He had nowhere to hide, it seemed. Sirius always found him and he was scared to confront him again. What could he say now? He'd only ruin everything and lose Sirius forever. Part of him just wouldn't survive without Sirius at his side. He needed Sirius in a way he couldn't explain. It was like something kept drawing Sirius close to him, to protect him. Was this a...a wolf thing? He didn't know, but that idea seemed to make sense.

After walking for a long time, he ended up back in the common room. It seemed deserted. Good. He was walking up to the dorm when he heard Sirius playing the guitar and singing. He paused in the hall and listened, hearing some of his sadly beautiful song. Possibilities? For what? He heard footsteps and headed back down into the common room, right into James.

"Oh, I uh...I was just headed out..." He said, side stepping him and heading out. He couldn't be alone with Sirius. He just couldn't go up there.

James looked back at Remus curiously and headed upstairs. Sirius was singing Possibilities. Had Remus finally heard the song? But if he had why would he be running away?

"Hey Moony been up here?" Sirius looked up from the window and shook his head sadly. Why would that matter? Remus avoided him at all costs now when there was the slightest chance they'd be alone. He'd even switched to being Peter's partner in potions. Remus was doing all he could to distance himself and it was cracking Sirius Black's infamous armor. Nothing ever hurt him or got him because of it but dammit if Remus didn't know the weakness to shattering it completely.

"No...I wouldn't be singing that if he had. You know that."

"Oh...huh...well what do you feel like doing today? Snivellus is looking too smug again. We could take him down a few notches."

"No...I'm not feeling up to it. You go ahead..." James didn't know what to do. He could sigh and leave Sirius back to his little bubble of depression. Remus was really starting to mess him up and the wolf didn't even know it.

James ran into Lily on the stairs and started talking to her. She had noticed something was up in the foursome but had no idea what.

"Padfoot's in love and refuses to admit while the stupid outstanding student he's in love has no freaking idea that the man he loves loves him back because they're both stubborn prats and cowards. Boys. No wonder you never want to date me. We're an impossible bunch." Lily actually laughed at what he said. Wow James Potter not only made progress but got a laugh from Lily 'Future Mrs. Potter' Evans! Well, at least in James' mind.

"Had no idea that Sirius was in love with Remus. That would have made Remus' life way easier if he had known."

"Wait you knew?" How had Lily known of the turmoil his group had been plagued with for years now? Neither had managed to notice Sirius coming down the stairs.

"Knew what?"

"Knew that Remus was in love with you. Apparently it's obvious to everyone but you Black."

"Prongs shut her up. I don't want to hit a girl." The animagus' anger meter spiked immediately. He did not want to be ganged up on by not only James but Lily freaking Evans too.

"Why? Don't like hearing the truth? Remus loves you Sirius. Get it through your thick skull and do something about it! James, want to go get some dinner?" Her offer surprised all three of them. She had no idea why she had asked but knew instantly that James was not going to turn it down.

"Absolutely! See, impossible things do happen. Now go talk to Moony before I leash you and stick you in a dog house." With that the pair left. They couldn't be right though. They really couldn't be right about Moony-

Sirius dashed out of the common room. He had no clue where he was going but sure enough he had found Remus at the end of his run.

"Is it true? What they said because so help Remus I may crumble into nothing. Is it true? Do you love me?"

Remus was hiding in an empty classroom, wiping stray tears from his eyes. Sirius suddenly burst in and he nearly fell off the desk he was sitting on. How could Sirius always find him? It was incredible. But Sirius was angry. Sirius was...asking him the one thing he should never ask.

"Sirius..." Remus couldn't look into his eyes. He knew if he did it would all be over and he would just beg to be in his arms. "Why...why are you asking me that?"

His heart was racing and his hands shaking. Yes, he loved Sirius. But their friendship and this bond they had that drew them together was too precious to risk with anything else. What if Sirius laughed at him and never wanted to see him again? What if Sirius wanted to explore and had a fling with him and then they never spoke after that?

"Because I want to know. I need to know Moony. Do. You. Love. Me?" Sirius had cornered Remus at the desk with his hands laying on either side of his body. His warm wonderful beautiful body. Sirius was praying for the impossible but he had no right to. No right to expect Remus to want him or believe him when he said that he only wanted Remus. Only wanted the one right before him.

"Please tell me. I have to know...say something Remus...anything."

His breath caught in his throat as he was cornered against the desk with Sirius nearly pressed against him. He looked up at him, but quickly looked away. He just couldn't look into his eyes. His precious Sirius. How could he ever hurt him? But taking this risk would just hurt them both in the end. And he didn't know what Sirius would do if he spoke the truth. What was going to happen? He didn't know and it frightened him.

"I...I can't..." He said, shaking his head a little. "Sirius..."

"What? What do you mean you can't? Remus this is important! Yes or no those are the only options. It's yes you love or no you don't. Now answer me you god damn wolf! Do you love me!?" He didn't know why his temper was spiking again. It never did at Remus. Not ever. So why was it now.

"You won't even look at me. You've been avoiding me for weeks Remus. What the hell happened that made me so repugnant to you? Why are you so terrified to be near me let alone being alone with me. Are you afraid I'm going to jump you?"

"Don't yell, Sirius." He said, getting upset. He didn't move out of Sirius's arms. If he wanted to hit him, fine. He probably deserved it. Remus couldn't fight back this close to a full moon. "I don't know what's going on, but I'm not trying to avoid you. I'm trying to figure this out. You're not...you're not repugnant. You're anything but. Don't you remember when you said I had an effect on you? It's the same way with me. You just...do something to me and I don't know how to react. I just need to figure it out. I don't want to mess this up."

Sirius stopped his yelling almost immediately. Really, couldn't he have any say so? But Remus was confusing him now. He was figuring things out but in a way that made his life hell? How did that make any sense. Sirius didn't know what to do. He knew he had to do something and without a single thought in his head the teen grabbed Moony and kissed him roughly.

His eyes shuts as his body set ablaze. God if that kiss didn't ignite his entire being. There were fireworks and more. That's what people meant by that perfect kiss. Sirius pulled away and thought ironically that it wasn't just a perfect kiss but fatal attraction too. They would end up killing each other over this.

"Figure it out yet?"

Remus was shocked by the kiss. What shocked him more than being kissed was how his body reacted. It felt so right. Sirius's lips felt so good against his own and it took all of his self control not to grip at Sirius's shirt and press against him for more. It was hard to resist him. Sirius pulled away and Remus felt a tear roll down his cheek.

"It's...I just...Why do you have to demand so much?" He had to pull himself away. "Why can't I figure this out on my own terms and not end up hurting you? Why is it that no matter what I do, I'm just going to hurt you anyway? This is why I should just be alone, Sirius. So I don't hurt you."

He was finally looking into Sirius's eyes. Remus was hurt and didn't know what to do anymore. He was so tired and the full moon was so close. It was so difficult to stand up for himself.

Remus still...oh. Okeh. "You-but...fine. Do whatever you want Remus. I tried to get you to say and then I tried to show you how I-...forget it. Nevermind. James and Lily are bleeding idiots. No matter what you do, leave me out of it from now on because this. Whatever it is. Is too much. I love you Remus Lupin. Does that sink in at all? I've been in love with you since I was 13 years old and I finally after all this time get enough nerve to kiss you and tell you and respond with 'can't you just let me figure it out on my own?' Well done. I won't bother you anymore. Distance yourself as much as you like. Hell go back to acting like I'm dead like you did last year. What the fuck does it matter anymore?" Padfoot didn't give him a chance to respond and stormed out. Whatever. He could go have his life if he wanted. He could go do anything he wanted. Sirius didn't care anymore...and maybe if he kept telling himself that he would start to believe it.

The Black walked in to find Prongs and Lily sitting on the couch talking. Oh those two.

"Are you happy now Prongs? I did what you wanted. Maybe tonight you can explain to our...'friend' why his dear Padfoot will not be there." James got up at his best mate's words. Sirius was not okeh. Not by any means and if he looked like this what the hell did Moony look like?

"What? What happened Padfoot? Sirius! What happened." The dog animagus turned on the stairs with tears threatening to fall but Sirius wouldn't let them. Blacks don't cry.

"You were wrong! He doesn't love me and he doesn't want me! So let it Prongs! Will just fucking leave it!?" Sirius stormed up the rest of the stairs and slammed the dormitory door.

"But...he does. What the hell happened?"

"Maybe it's just too close to you know whats...oh don't give me that look I know. But you have to think that tonight is full. Maybe it was just bad timing."

"Dare you to ever get him to try again Evans. It took me the better part of three years to get him to do that...bloody hell this is a mess."

"Sirius. You're not listening. I-" But he never got to explain. Sirius left with that look on his face...Remus would never forget it. He crumbled to the floor, heartbroken. His beloved Sirius...did he really just walk away? Remus sat on the floor tossing emotions around until he could feel the moonlight. He ran out of the castle and towards the whomping willow. He could feel the transformation coming. He made it to the shrieking shack and the werewolf took over. He howled in pain through the transformation and the howling never stopped. The pain in his heart hurt worse than the transformation ever did.

Meanwhile, Peter was up in the dorm doing homework while Sirius was sulking on the other side of the room. He heard something and lifted his head.

"Do you hear that?" He asked Sirius. He got no answer. He kept hearing the noise and eventually went to open the window, making Remus's howls echo through the room. "Moony...he sounds in pain...should we help?"

Poor, ignorant Peter. He never knew anything.